I puked a lego.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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