All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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