remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
