would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
