I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
