what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
