cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
