she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
