Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
