I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
