We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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