Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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