At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
