I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My vagina just clenched in fear
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
