Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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