I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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