I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You are the jesus of drinking
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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