It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
