Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
