What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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