Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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