R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
