You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
