I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
