looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize