You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
