five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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