Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize