he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
