So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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