Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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