i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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