Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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