It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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