By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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