Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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