Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
