Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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