last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude. I can hear the air.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize