is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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