I think I am morally bankrupt
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
