Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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