her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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