First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We smell like vodka and hangover
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize