tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
