I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
