All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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