from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
