The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
