smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
