He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
