you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
