what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
