I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
