I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
