Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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