I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
