i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
