There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
