is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
