Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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