there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
