It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
