Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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