Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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