You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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