Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
