Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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