He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
