and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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