I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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