White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
