If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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