Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
