The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
