just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
