I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize