i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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