shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
