see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
