TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
