My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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