your room smells of hookers.
And success
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
