it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
