you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
