So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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