You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
