dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
