would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
