dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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