he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's on the porch naked. Help.
how does that bad decision feel?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
