took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
