we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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