i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
