I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
