Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
