i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
