I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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