i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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