yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
