it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
