Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
