On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize