yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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