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How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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