i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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