He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
